They Got The Big Kahuna!!

What is missing from what is obviously a terrorist's toilerty kit?

On a recent trip, as I went through screening, they flagged my carry on. "Who's is this?" they bellowed. The woman grabbed my bag and furiously pawed through it.

Then she smiled and hoisted her prize into the air. "This toothpaste is too big!", she triunphiantly declared. I go, "What, it's the same toothpaste I always bring."

She stared at me and repeated "It's too big." as she tossed it in the bin.

Good grief. Do they really think any of this makes us one ounce safer?

Does anyone truly believe the terroists are saying "If only we could get our explosives in the small tubes!!

Then on the way back, they completed the daily double; my mouthwash was 20 ml's TOO BIG!! Risking a strip search, I said, "Are you kidding me?" This one also smiled and thrust it in front of me.

"Look, it clearly says 120 ml's." And tossed it in the, likely overflowing, and very dangerous, bin of captured weapons.

Disaster averted!!

As I was fuming at the gate, I realize I'd been had. I don't see no stinkin' toothpaste in this picture!

Next time, I bet one says, "What you got in your mouth? Spit it out. Bwaaahaha!"

This reminds me of a Bizzaro cartoon. The airport screening agent is holding up a gun he pulled from a woman's luggage. "I'm sorry, m'am, our fault. In the X-ray, this looked like a bottle of water."

The terrorists have got to be loving this.

I bet they sit around, laughing, saying, "This time....let's have El Kalil put something in his...ear! We'll have doctors examining every passenger. Yeah, ha ha ha!"

"No, no, put something in his....underwear!"

"Stop it Abdul, you're killing me here!"

[Ed note: Okay, that got a bit carried away.]

Cute

Meltdown? What Meltdown?

I don't think these folks even know there is a real estate meltdown going on. That's because I've never seen anyone at any of the following houses (can't really call them houses) as they are probably all in Monte Carlo.

So just a few snaps from a stroll down the beach.

These are all massive properties that go about 100 yards deep.

And these are just the backends of the homes.

Not too shabby here either.

Hey, that guy voted for Obama (double click the photo to see his balcony). Must be the only one on this stretch.

If anyone is interested, this little piece of heaven can be had for a paltry 10 million, per Sunday's real estate section anyway. You don't even need to tear down the existing house.

Making Me Sick - Part Two

When you go to visit this guy and he says, "We're all full this weekend, you've have to stay in the bunkie", you'll say "Awwwww".

Well, this is the bunkie. "Awwww, okay."

4,200 square feet of airconditioned comfort. And a pool and and and......

This is a view of (some of) the whole property (your bunkie on the right).

Main house is ~14,000 square feet, give or take three or four bedrooms. He bought eight lots to build this place.

Now he voted for McCain (huge banner all across the front of his property).

"Here's George Jetson." It no longer the 60's, man.

Handyman special.

You can have this for about 8 million, because you have to tear the house down. Or maybe the neighbours will do it for you.

Now that's better.

This guy actually built three full size homes for each of his sons in front of the main building here (I snuck down along the side to see the full place). This property is like a small city, with winding roads and ponds and that's all I saw before I got chased out.

One other guy built a church beside his house. Too lazy to drive down the street, I guess.

Now it's not so much how expensive these homes are. It's how many of these expensive homes there are. It takes a full two hours to walk the entire length of this stretch. And it's these behemoths the whole way.

How can there be this many rich people? And why don't I know any of them?

Infinite Loop

Those bartenders are very clever down in Florida land.

Situation: two jokers out for beers. Two for one draft special. Either my buddy and I got out of sync on number of beers (which I highly doubt) or they pulled a fast one.

We had finished our beverages one afternoon when the waitress said to my friend, "Another beer? You've got one more coming to you". He said, great. So I looked at his new beer with a sad face and said, I'll have another one, too.

When we finished both of those, she said to me, "Now you've got another coming to you". I said, great. And my buddy ordered another. Repeat indefinitely, apparantly.

Next thing you know, I'm best friends with Dieter from Germany.

Enjoy!

Welcoming sign at condo pool.

Enjoy - Part Deux

I bet you can't even step on the new vegetation!

Ahhhhhh........

Just back from my annual sabbatical to God's Waiting Room - Florida.

But I'll tell ya, if ya gotta go, this isn't such a bad departure lounge.

Miles and miles of sandy beaches. With lots of little buddies walking with you.

And as long as you're not running like a Sting Ray just got you (see earlier post) these guys and others will just walk along with you. Or at most, just scoot a bit out of the way.

On my last day I came across a stately Blue Heron, about six or seven feet away. As I walked by, both our heads turned as I watched him and he watched me. But nobody got too fussed about the whole thing.



This guy let me get within touching distance before his bird instincts took over.

But as you can see, his other buddies could care less that I was passing within arm's reach.

But Fill Your Boots On The Old Stuff

The Place Time Forgot

Took a small trip up the coast to Fort Myers Beach. This is the part of Florida you don't see in the brochures.

Was going to stay over night, but after surveying the aptly named Shipwreck Motel, turned around and came right home.

Welcoming sign across the street. Effective window display, too.

Very nice.

Now this was not in one of the rooms, but at a nearby establishment. Just added to the overall charm of the town.

The grand entrance.

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

The First Step Is A Doosey

This is very good advice to follow.

These little fellows (the same, but smaller, as the one that killed Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin) burrow in the sand just two or three feet offshore. And wait.

Not for big footed tourists, but for little grubs and stuff. But if you just splosh blindly into the water and happen to step on one.....sweet Mother Mary! The stinger will come around and rip your Achilles tendon and then inject some nasty stuff into you.

So I have always shuffled shuffled shuffled as I go in. People laugh because I look like an old man. Okay, look like an older man than I already am. But I often get the last laugh.

Both my downstairs neighbours had this happen to them recently (you think one would have learnt from the other). They both said extreme agony for a day and then lots of pain for a couple of months. Many others tell the same, sad tale.

This trip I saw two of them, just in the shallow water. [Sting Rays, not my neighbours.] Usually one shuffle and these guys bolt for the depths. I did a little shuffle near him. But he just backed off three or four feet.

Not nearly as far as I would have liked. I was thinking this shuffle thing might be a local joke. They actually attack when you wave your feet at them. Or maybe he thought my toe was a tasty little grub. Regardless, I was the one that backed way off.

So then it was off to the pool for me. La la la.....

Gone...And Likely Forgotten

An update for the readers of this site [and many thanks to both of you]; I'm still alive, it's just that I've just been away, resting, recharging, pining for the fijords the last few weeks. Soon to be back with a great new season.

Well....Old, Anyway.......

....sigh......

Ha!

You're not so spooky in the middle of the day there, Masonic Temple.

[Ed. Note: see post further below.]

Green and Unseen

Even though I essentially live at the centre of the Centre of the Universe, steps away I can forget all about that.

Toronto is fairly unusual in that quietly tucked in behind the mammoth skyscrapers and towering condos of midtown is the Rosedale Valley Ravine. Cool and lush.

And best of all, nobody chirping at the way I dress down here. 'cept that darn, fool squirrel that I shot. Well, at least glared at.

Good Try

Gee, I think there are more than three vegetarian dishes in the world. Or just no access to Google for the cafeteria ladies?

Oh well, happy World Vegetarian Day anyway.

Nighttime Neighbours

Vut eez dis spooky place? Maybe it is Count Floyd's veddy scary castle.

Actually, it's the Masonic Temple, just across the street from my place.

Hey, keep it down.

New Neighborhood

Downtown Calgary this ain't. Very fashionable new location I'm in.

I must still be sporting garb with a western flair, though, as from their looks, people are thinking "Hey cowboy, where's your horse?" or "Did you get those boots from a real cowboy?". Ah, good fun.

Amazingly, some even called me by name. Or close, anyway. They got it wrong and called me Bob. Oh, and pronounced it with two O's. But very friendly people just the same.

Of course, I'd never be able to afford to go in one of these shops. Or be allowed in, apparantly.

I actually started to feel like the guys I try and avoid in downtown Calgary.

Hmmm....maybe I do need to spruce up the old wardrobe.

Nah......if my duds were fine for Calgary, and for Toronto for 16 years before that, and Sarnia for eight before that, they they'll be just fine for here.....

But With The Good.....

But I guess the dark side of being able to live in this area, is that you must be old. And they're not too subtle about it either.

"Oh hi, Ted. I'm...uhhh...just going in to get some books, for my mother. What's that? Yes, she did, a few years ago. But, uhhh, I gotta go."