El Uso?

Who translated this? Me?

"El uso de loungos not permitto."

Now That's More Like It!

In case of emergency - run like hell.

Even though this was taken in Jamaica, where things are - to put it generously, laid back - they have the right idea when it comes to emergencies. At least compared to Calgary.

Just got back from a week in Bob Marely's country. And even though he's been gone for over 20 yeears, ganja still rules!

Now He's Gone Too Far

I love Jimmy Buffett dearly, but come on, an "Air Margaritaville" bar in the Montego Bay airport?

They already have about five or six "Margaritaville" bars all over the island. How much money does he need?

But it is a pretty neat bar. A cool oasis, far from the bedlam of ganja sellers and pocket pickers.

And there's no escaping them. I tried to pass by one outstretched hand and he admonished me, "Show some respect, mahn, some respect".

So I went over and shook his hand and he immediately had me in a death grip. "Dey call me Da Fixer. What you need, mahn?"

So I guess it isn't that bad a place. Especially after a gruelling week of swim-up pool barring....ahhhhhhh.

In fact, more airports should have these tings, mahn.

And all this, in the place where they tried to shoot Jimmy out of the sky.

The words along the arch are a line from Jimmy's song Jamaica Mistaka . Where they ask him to come back to Jamaica if they promise not to shoot him out of the sky.

More Jamaica

When they say mini-bar, they mean it.

Red Stripe in the fridge, of course, but also rum, vodka, gin and brandy. Refilled daily. How's a guy supposed to leave the room and get to the swim up?

If you know the name of your mini-bar guy, you got a problem. Mahn.

And there are lots of places to buy trinkets. No problem, mahn. I'm surprized there weren't more T-shirts printed with this expression.

Lots of Jimmy Buffett themed stores as well. I seem to remember yelling at this guy last summer.

And they grow 'em big down here. A moth in the lobby. Actually a behemoth moth in the lobby.
Zoom in, eh?

And of course, what vacation would be complete without a Rastafarian steel band playing outside your window. All week long. If I hear Buffalo Soldier one...more...time......

Luckily, they usually got tired about six or seven and went home.

And we picked the absolute perfect time to get away (see next post). It snowed and was below freezing every single day we were gone. We got updates throughout the week as different groups arrived.

Usually the crummy weather follows me on vacation, but not this time, baby.

And did I mention they had a Jerk Hut on the beach? [Yeah, yeah, did you work there, Urban?] The best jerk chicken you will ever find. Although we had fancy restaurants available, we ate jerk chicken (with the hottest jerk sauce you will ever find) every day on the beach. On plastic plates on our knees.

And one of our party should really be nominated for a Nobel Prize. Did you know if you turn a Frisbee over, it will hold seven beer? Seven, I tell you! It even floats in the freakin' ocean!

Bleh!

Sweet biscuits, what a mess.

Last weekend +24 Deg C and sunny. Now this - forecast to keep on coming for the next five days.

Everywhere you look, bleh and more bleh.

Actually this is one of the few times my piece of crap camera actually enhances the feel of the shot. Way to go, little buddy.

The old folks will be staying inside this weekend. [Picture of local old folks home.]

Now you might be thinking, why didn't he wait for five days and take a picture then. When it would really look like something.

Well if I did, it would look like palm trees and bikinis, as I'm off down south tomorrow. Tee hee, aren't I a scamp.....

And aren't I sounding like I drink from the other side of the cup? Not that there's anything wrong with that.........

What About "Run Like Hell"?

Do Not Trespass

Or, in my neighborhood, go sleep in your own damn dumpster!

Hell Ya!

Keep yer sissified vehicles outta of here. Only want them diesel spewing behemoths.

Brand New

Good news; they just opened up a new health centre in downtown Calgary. Bad news; and closed the old one two blocks from me (below).

From the brochure they sent around, this place has got all your standard services you would expect for a modern city; Wound Clinic, Communicable Disease Unit, Harm Reduction Team, Aboriginal Mental Health Clinic, Intravenous Infection Therapy. Gee, sounds like Disney World.

Hey, what if I have a sore throat? Oh, end of the line for you.

Man, the money I pay for services other people use. Don't get me started.....


The old place. Now this is where you could use a good Wound Clinic.

And where's our new Needle Exchange bucket. [Click here for a refresher]

Last But Not Least

Went to my final lacrosse game of the season last night. And the local boys didn't disappoint.

We (okay, they) whupped up on the boys from the north (Edmonton) 18-7.

As this was a follow up to last weekend's loss to the same guys in Eggmonton, a couple of good scraps were mandatory.

But why were they going at it at the other end? My little camera has a hard enough time taking crummy shots when things are up close and personal.

And my little 14 year old cameraman/girlie was back at her post again. [Jump to first camera girlie encounter]

This time we engaged in duelling cameras. Maybe she's getting evidence for a harassment lawsuit. Ha ha, all in good fun.

Don't know if I was on the Jumbotron here taking a picture of her. Hard to dispute that evidence in court. Ha ha gulp.

Also met the parents of the 15 year old, ubercool dude who sits beside me. "You must be the old guy that our son talks about." [Jump to first ubercool encounter]

Great, it wasn't my imagination he thought I was a doofus. What do kids know.

I thought this was a novel advertizing gimmick.

The urinal screen shot here (boy, those guys never fail to get bent out of shape when I whip out the camera in there) says "Out of Order - Screen Smashed At Last Hitmen Game". [Hitmen are the Calgary WHL team] So I assumed the message was, come to a Hitmen game and there'll be lots of action.

That was until I came back later in the game and three screens still had the same "ad". Then I noticed that these were typed and pasted on the screens. I guess they did get smashed at the last game.

Hmmm, still a pretty effective marketing idea, intentionally or not.

Doubt if that happens in Toronto too much. Hard to smash a screen with a sushi roll.

The final bit of silliness from last night was the half time show. They had a game of musical chairs. I thought how low do they go with some of these sad ideas.

That was until we noticed it was lacrosse players in the game. As soon as the music started, they started beating on each other. Slowly at first, but as the game built and the chairs got fewer it got rougher and more hilarious.

When the music stopped, each guy would literally dive on the nearest chair and the rest of the guys piled on top. Whichever jersey number the ref could read (ie. furthest from the chair) was told "Y'er out, 42!".

A good end to a good season. Thanks, 'necks.

Nice Try

Another in the continuing series of "Nice Bars in my Neighborhood" (although I'm thinking of changing it to, bars in my neighborhood).

They were able to completely renovate this local establishment..... except for the customers.

They put in new everything (well, almost everything - they left the faded, stained, smoke laden carpet and the pool tables) in an attempt to go upscale.

And a new front facade - hey, the old girl don't look too bad. But look up facade in the dictionary: an artificial or deceptive front. Bingo.

So it's hard for a leopard to change its spots.

One reason for the change might have been that they are attached to a Holiday Inn Express. So tired businessmen and women probably thought, great I can get a nice Caesar Salad and a glass of Merlot.

Wrong! You can get hassled by drunks and eat pickled eggs.

But at least they are trying to change.

Knowing Target Market

But they do know who their true customers are.

Because for Sunday Brunch, the special is $4.50 Caesar's (although they spell it Ceaser's - but who's nitpicking).

Perfect timing, too, because the local shelters kick guys out at 11 am. Just in time to Caesar the day.

Who Do You Believe?

Let's hope somebody doesn't switch bags on you.

Actually, I took this to get the cute girl walking by. Hubba hubba...... And had to quickly make up this feeble parking story.

What A Difference A Days Makes

Okay, two [I was busy yesterday].

A beautiful day, the kind you'd like to toast - with thanks to Jimmy Buffett [1].

And, if the weatherpeople (let's not forget to slag the gals, too) don't have another collective brain cramp like this week, it should be +20 on the weekend.

But forgive me if I don't put away my snow tires/boots/shovel/gloves/blower/men just yet.

Note [1]:
We were tree top flying, moving west along the coast
Then we landed in the water, just about my favorite thrill
When some &*%hole started firing as we taxied to Negril
- from Jimmy Buffett's Jamaica Mistaka - I'm heading there next week.

It's Beginning To Look Like.......

..the middle of April in Calgary. Weather forecast said there was a slight chance of light rain. I see....

We got 23 centimetres of the white stuff! Broke a 96 year record. City officials are now worried about flooding - and rapid freezing. And why not add a plague of locusts o'er the land.

We were planning for near 20 on the weekend. What's up?

I guess Mother Nature said, "Did I say it was going to be 20? Do you know what it's going to be like on the weekend?" And we said, no we don't. "You're freakin' right you don't!" [Maybe she didn't say that. But I bet that's what she felt like saying to us.]

But by mid day, it was bright and sunny. The snow melted, joggers were out, I went for a swim in the river.

By 3pm, another blizzard hit and was still at it as I left work.

On the walk home, inside of course, it was now just getting slushy and nasty. Not inside, of course.

By the time I got home, bright and sunny. I didn't go swimming again.

What a funny little city.

I Guess So!

Or..."Watch your twig and berries."

I wonder how many people (I'm thinking guys) walked right into this before they thought to put the sign up?

The railing is just out there on the sidewalk. Whew - I'm glad I can read.

As Predicted

Can I call 'em? [Jump to incredible call] And then to [this] one.

And that didn't take long either to put up the contrete protector. I guess the voice of experience spoke loudly.

And the plastic wrapping around the, likely new, card reader leads me to believe someone already smashed, crashed, flattened it.

A New Low....

...in picture quality/fog of life. I really outdid myself this time. But, I didn't even take the picture.

At a group get together, we got out the cameras and a friend's daugther snapped the shots. When she came to my camera-thingy, she grimaced and looked over at me. She said, I don't know if this is going to work.

So she started pushing buttons on the phone. I asked what she was doing. Her eyes widened as she looked at me, "like I'm adjusting the brightness of your camera?" I said, hey how did you do that? That's neato.

You know, it doesn't take much for teenagers to think adults are complete morons, and I'm happy to report, I didn't disappoint her.

Are You Stinking?

A novel, yet not always appreciated, method to drum up dry cleaning business?

Is it working? I've never gone there (which might be another issue completely).

I've Never Seen Such Wind Out Here