Saturday, 31 May 2008

Nice Neighbourhood...

Hey! That's my neighbourhood!

This is the garbage bin outside my condo. The morons that live here never fail to amaze me. What is this - some kind of municipal dump?

And I know the city collection workers will be picking up every last piece of that crap. This stuff will be here 'til winter.

I think these are the same idiots that smoke in the stairwells and set off the fire alarms. We get the firetrucks here about twice a week. This week; 6am on Friday and 4am on Wednesday. Oh, and 7pm last Friday.

I think the fire department is this close the saying, &%!$@ you!

Friday, 30 May 2008

I Seeeee You

You wascally wabbits.

Looks like a some of Calgary's finest are trying to help some of the poor unfortunates who have to pee in the river or sleep in the bushes.

And throw 'em in jail! Bwaa ha ha ha.......

Wednesday, 28 May 2008


So none of them trespassing violators will be prosecuted? Cool.

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

There Goes The Neighborhood

Went for a walk about in one of the funkiest little neighborhoods in Calgary.

House after house of neat little bungaloes and cottages.

But since the last time I went for a walk here, there a lot fewer of them around. The yuppiefication has really picked up pace and there's no end in sight. See next post.

Here Comes (The New) Neighborhood

A bunch of big behemoths that just barely fit within the tiny plots.
Just about about every other house has been reborn. Yea for yuppies.

I even spotted one that I had just seen torn down (next post) and now Son of Funky is rising from the dirt.

Good Try Little Buddy

At least they left the little stone arch that used to welcome visitors.

But they still built the big boy in behind.

Here is what it looked like before they put up a parking lot(with apologies to Joni Mitchell).

M R Big Ducks

And nasty.

This fella was telling me I was about five feet too close to his goslings. Which was good enough for me.

One time I was at the zoo and one of these guys came at me. As I tried to get out of the way, I guess I was inadvertently heading towards more of the babies. The faster I went, the even faster he came after me, wings spread and crowing (or whatever the hell it is that Canada Geese do).

He finally caught up to me with wings flapping, and I started flailing back. I could almost hear little children saying, Daddy, why is the man kicking the goosey? Because he's trying to save his life, honey.

Monday, 26 May 2008


That's gotta hurt.

Our local minor league baseball team (The Calgary Vipers) just jumped to a new league based out of California. And they are trying to make a good impression.

The California teams are probably shaking their heads saying, Canadians..... But I guess that's the hockey equivalent of getting traded for a bag of pucks. Although I thought it was just an expression.

I'm surprized they didn't hold out for a 2-4.

I Should Hope It's Private!

Ha ha...I kill me.

Okay, I Photoshopped that - so sue me......

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Possibly....But Not Likely

I've never been in the St Regis, but......

This once historic hotel sits in the middle of bum alley (as I call it) so I'm not planning on validating the above recommendation any time soon. In spite of the many inducements advertised ("Rooms Cheap", "$1.25 Drafts", etc.).

Oh I can hear it now; what a friggin' snob you are. Walk a mile in their shoes.

Tell you what, you walk a mile in my shoes down here and tell me you don't feel creeped out.

I had to get on a different commuter train car yesterday afternoon as some of our most vulnerable citizens were passing around a vodka bottle, virtually commandeering the car.

Then today, in a gift shop had to dodge a frikkin' weirdo who was crying while hugging and kissing a lifesize stuffed bear. Then freaked when the shop owner tried to get her to leave. Now all the tourists in the shop are looking wide eyed, thinking, I'm definitely coming back here again. And bringing the kids.

Also see next post.

Okay, this is a story told many times before. 'nuff said.

Only In Calgary, eh?

Made the mistake of having a coffee at a Timmy's in a downtown Calgary mall. Wanted to use the bathroom.

Guy said you need an access card to get in. Okay.

Guy said you also need to leave ID to get the card. Huh? I've never been asked to leave ID to use a bathroom.

He said they have to do it because either i) the card gets stolen or ii) druggies (who don't have ID, I assume) used it to shoot up, and wouldn't come out, or worse.

When I looked around, I noticed that Timmy's was half filled with varmints....I mean vagrants, licking the last crumbs from their napkins. And probably looking at me thinking, that guy's got ID.

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Coolness Attracts Cash

Of course, wherever there is an abundance of cool funky stuff, cash will be sure to follow.

This was just one of many monster boats in the harbour. This one even has a freakin' condo built out the top. Maybe not. But it is still huge.

This vessel is from the Isle of Man. One of the Channel Island tax havens in the UK. Guess that's the only way you can afford one of these babies.

And I guess they also try and fit in wherever they go. "Yeah yeah, put up a Canadian flag up there. Not too big."

Friday, 23 May 2008

Beep Veep!

The Vancouver harbour has these neat (how would I describe Vancouver without the word neat?) little shuttles that take you all over.

Scientists say that the Aquabus, like the bumblebee and flying, should not be able to float - but it does. Unless there is any wind at all, or a passenger leans to look out the window.

View looking up at the captain. Who seemed to be a fifteen year old kid who read a book the entire trip and steered with his knee.

And no safety issues here. Where are the life jackets?

According to Captain Ahab, who looked at me like I was some sissified Eastern boy, you don't need 'em.

I decided not to give him my opinion of his steering technique. Although he did start steering with his foot not long after this (honestly). Not the change I was necessarily shooting for.

Match Made In Heaven

What kind of Arnotti guy wouldn't like some arknotty toys?

More from funky Vancouver........

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Technically, They Are Correct

They did say "ocean view". And there it is.

I would have been equally okay with "roof view", as the roof cut my window in half.

And I really couldn't have criticized them if they had said "piece of crap view". All are equally applicable.

Went to the beautiful city of Vancouver on business and stayed at the funky Granville Island Hotel. Pretty neat little place.

The hotel anchors the "island" which was a former industrial site for Vancouver. And everything seems to be original materials (lots of corrugated iron for all the buildings).

I understand they can't change very much, since I think the whole area is covered with asbestos and lead, and if they renovated anything, they have to tear apart and remediate the entire island. So it just goes merrily along.

And, once I found out the roof was the roof of the in-house brewery, and this little hotel was a brew pub, that made everything seem a little nicer.

Who Knew

That the ocean had employees and that this is where they all park.

Now You See It.......

....and now you don't.
Pretty cool little floating village right on the harbour front. As the tide comes and and out the houses go up and down.

I guess you never know what the view out your front window will be. And since these are right on the boardwalk, you never who will be looking in, either. Better be careful what you're scratching.

I think the lady in white is hoping to catch a peek. In about three hours.

These are really neat little floaters as well. Roof top gardens and you can have your kayak in the water right outside your front, uhhh....or back, door.

Only on the left coast, in la la land, eh?

Sunday, 18 May 2008

Oh Yeah?

Not according to me and a thousand bums in downtown Calgary.

This experiment went well until I tried to get the cart back in the store. Then the wheels locked up. So I just slowly backed away and left.

I'm sure people thought, that guy tried to steal a shopping cart, that bum tried to steal a shopping cart.

I almost had to say, "No no, I may look like a bum and I play one on TV, but I wasn't stealing it. Uhhhh....I was.....uhhhhh.....just testing...uhhhh...the.... aw, forget it."

"Any spare change?"

[Idea courtesy of Ontario gentlemen farmer Mike. Who's no bum, either.]

Mmmm....Ginger Beef

Delicious, huh?

You bet. Until you check out the fine print on the back.

Luckily you can't read this. Because if you did, you'd see this little box of death has 80 grams of fat. 80! Including 16 saturated and another 16 trans. That's enough to stop a horse's heart.

I was waiting for a prescription to be filled so I had time to check out the prepared foods section of the grocery store.

When I told the pharmacist what I saw, she said, "Do not buy anything over there. Ever." And I believe her.

Oh yeah, and a 100% of your daily recommended max amount of sodium. At least you can check that off your to do list after dinner.

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Good Try Lads

Went to the, as it turns out, final Calgary Roughneck's playoff game of the season. They lost so they are out, but they put up a brave fight. And lots and lots of action.

And boy, do people ever get dressed up for the games.

Not that it matters much, but which one of these tubs of fun costs $5.00 and which costs $5.50? If you guess wrong, your heart will be missing out on lots of extra trans fat.

As my mother says, never eat anything bigger than your head. But in this case, I'll make an exception......


One of our city's most vulnerable citizen's has lost his buggy in the river. At least he made it half way across before he had to abandon it.

Well, back to Safeway.

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

That's Better

Ahhh....I get it, a patio.

That only took them about a month and a half to fix that ball busting hazard.

I wonder how many twigs & berries were sacrificed in the meantime?

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Pretty Pricey

200 grand for some mushrooms?!

Those better be the good ones that my friends in North Bay go on and on about.

Saturday, 10 May 2008

From The Ocean To The Mountains

So from being down at the beach one week to up in the mountains the next. Too bad it was for work.

But with this scenery, not too shabby a week.

Friday, 9 May 2008

What Was That Address Again?

I wonder how many customers got lost before they had to put this big boy up?

No More Jamaica

Boy, middle of May and we get hit with a blast of winter. On the plus side, though, the traffic report was hilarious.

Toto, we ain't in Jamaica any more.

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Still More Jamaica

We did an excursion to Dunn's River Falls one day. The idea is you walk up the slippery falls, about a hour exercise. The rocks are slick with moss and the water is ice cold.

Because of my gimpy knee, I obviously begged off (and took photos).

But I guess I'm more sissified than I thought, because there were guys carrying tiny babies, groups of families and this old lady, who needed a &@$%!#% cane to get around. After seeing this, I just shook my head at myself.

In my defense, the others in our group that did go, all complained about the bruises they got.

And who says Canadians are silly? Here is the standard shot of a bear dressed up like a Mountie in the Calgary airport.

Are we predicatable or what?