Boy, If 2020 Was A Piñata

 

What? How Do You Dry Yours?

 

I Hope You're Sitting Down

So as some of you are now painfully aware, most of the province of Ontario has entered into a Covid lockdown.

Largely driven by our friends in Toronto.

No, I'm wrong.  Completely driven by our friends in Toronto.

So here is something astonishing;

These six neighbourhoods in Toronto, representing 123,000 people....

....have more Covid cases than the entire shaded area in the map below, representing over 2.3 million people.

Yes, that's right.  Those six little neighbourhoods in Toronto have more cases than the entire purple area.

And as a result, the government has decided to shut down almost the entire province.

If we look at the numbers on a per capita basis, it becomes even more dramatic [Click to see better].

Those six Toronto neighbourhood rates dwarf the shaded regions in the province (blue bars). [As a guide, a rate of 55,000 cases per million people means 5.5% of the population has been infected.]

But here is something equally astonishing; the rates for the six lowest neighbourhoods - yes, lowest - in Toronto are all higher than all those shaded regions (except for Chatham, by a hair).

That means every neighbourhood in Toronto is higher than a huge swath of the province.  But they lockdown just about the whole province.

So why isn't the government focusing solutions on Toronto, or at least on those six neighbourhoods?

Boy, if 2020 was toilet paper.....

Just How Many Women Sit Around Naked?

This poor Colorado woman was mistakenly arrested.....

....and then this Chicago woman was.

But my question is, just how many of you gals are sitting around naked all the time?

Maybe you're calling 911, hoping for the firefighters from the calendar to show up.

But what I really want to know is, where the heck is Florida Woman while all this is going on....?

Whew!   Way to go, Florida Woman, knew we could count on you!   

And I must say, Theresa is a rather handsome woman, as Florida women go.

Isn't That Special?

So former President Barack Obama just came out with his 2020 playlist.  And he gives some credit to his daughter Sasha.

So let's check out some of his suggestions. [Click it to see better.]

Let's take the first one, Savage Remix, by Megan Thee Stallion with Beyoncé.  Here are some of the lyrics [Click to read them];

Say Megan, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?  And I'm sure other mothers appreciate the Prez recommending this to their daughters.  I particularly like the jaunty introduction!

But maybe that was an anomaly.  Let's check out something further down the list, The Climb Back, by J Cole.

Okay, forget about that one.  Let's try Sun Came Out, by Gunna.

Okay, I'm sure there's something I will like there, I'll just keep trying.

But you know which song you won't find on this list?  

"Baby, It's Cold Outside".  The lyrics are disgusting. It's a bunch of sexist, misogynistic crap, that should be blacklisted forever.  4-Eva!

I wonder what the Church Lady would say about all this.....

What In The World - Part Whatever.....

November was not a good Covid month for the world. Has December been any better?

As a refresher, here is the global chart for November, showing rates per million population.   [As always, click on any graph to zoom in.]

 A lot of the usual European suspects are at the top.  The US around 7th and Canada about a third higher than the world average.  And China is there at the bottom, of course, at zero.

Keep in mind the top rates were in the 600 daily cases per million population for the month and the world average is about 92.

Now, here is the chart for December.

Key takeaways; 

• the World rate has stayed about the same
• the US is now in 2nd spot
• the Europeans are all still up there
• Canada's rate has doubled and is now double the world average
• And China is still at the bottom, at zero.  Hey, somebody should ask what they are doing right!

So for those paying attention, no surprise the US has rocketed up the charts. It must be all those shotgunning beer bros in south Florida, right?

So let's take a look at - along with Florida - who all those guilty states are.

Huh?

Tennessee and Rhode Island?

Indiana & South Dakota?

Where's Florida?

Look down,  Way down.  Florida is #43.

Maybe they're not as stupid and brain dead as the media makes them out to be.

Now, they do have the weather going for them.  But Oregon, Maine & Vermont are all below them, so it ain't just the weather.

And maybe being the best of a bad lot isn't that good, but Ontario is tucked in way down there, in red.  the rate in Florida being four times higher.  

Doesn't look like it's done any good, though.  Get ready to enjoy your province wide lockdown!

And here's a related good suggestion, from somebody....

And on an unrelated topic......

[This from contributor "Carol".   Now, I know her husband.  Could this be.....nahhhhh.]

Survey Says........

From yesterday's "Who's That Girl?" question,  reader "Pat" guessed, it's the woman who funded vaccine research in the US.  

Okay....let's reverse engineer that answer......Google, Google.....

.

.

.

Okay, let's go to the video to see if that is the correct answer!

We have a winner!  Well done, "Pat"!

And there are the girls......

And one of yesterday's Dolly pics.

Now....it makes sense!

Who Is This Famous Person?

 

Come on.

Answer tomorrow.

But in the mean time, take a guess.

Okay, one hint......

No...?

One more.....

Oh, come on!

Florida Girl...?

 

And they never saw Florida girl again.....

Actually, no, it's not Florida Girl.....

She's actually from New York.  But certainly could be an honourary Floridian......

 

So How's Them Bar Closings Workin' For Ya?

As you will recall, because of covid-19, Toronto re-closed their bars and restaurants (and gyms and movie theatres) on October 9th.  

"Following the science" Toronto's mayor and medical director of health had implored the provincial government to close them all down.   [As always, click on any graph to zoom in.]

Hmmmm...that's interesting....

Do you think maybe, possibly, potentially, it could be something else....?

Do you think they might change their lockdown strategy?

Nope.

You can't make this stuff up.

But incredibly, this time Toronto's mayor not only wants to lockdown his own city longer, but he now wants neighbouring cities to lockdown as well.

Some people have no shame.  "Hey, our house is burning down, I demand you do what we're doing!"

Better Late Than Never...?

From the "And you thought you were having a bad day" file...... 

Florida Woman Has Competition

So based on a valued reader's comments from yesterday after she googled "Florida Woman" + her birthday (a clever variation on the "Florida Man birthday Challenge"), she got the following.....

Okay.......

So the UC did the same thing.  And got......

So one doesn't like sex (at least with men). and the other seemingly likes sex a lot (or at least chicken nuggets).

Make up your mind, Florida Woman!

[Ed. Note: those must be some awesome chicken nuggets....]

That reminds me of the last time I was in McDonald's to get some of those things. 

I said to the cashier, "I'd like a chocolate milkshake and..." She stopped me and said,  "There's not any milk in them anymore, it's an edible oil product, so we just called them shakes."

So I said, "Okay, I'll have a chocolate shake and six chicken nuggets." 

She said, "We just called them nuggets."

Who Says Only Florida Man Has Fun

 Apparently, she kept him in her closet until, well, it got unpleasant. Then she put him a trash can and rolled him over to the neighbour's.  

She told police she came home and found him dead in her house.  What else was she supposed to do?

Florida Man has some work to do to beat that.

Tough Crowd

School's out on whether virtual schooling is better, or much worse, for kids.

But maybe the kids are smarter than we thought.....

Time's Up

To give golf fans something to think about as winter starts to wrap its icy tentacles around us, every year - but especially this year - Greg Norman hosts a golf tournament in South Florida in December.

[Looking pretty good for a soon-to-be 66 year old.]

And Thursday they had a Pro-Am tournament.

In the picture below you have three seconds to guess who's the pro and who's the amateur.

Time's up!

Bubbliscious

Here is a look at the Canadian provinces Covid results, since the start of the pandemic.   [As always, click on any graph to zoom in.]

Per capita cases on the vertical axis and per capita deaths on the horizontal.

No surprise that Quebec continues to be the "leader", in both categories.

What is surprising is that Alberta was the standard barer for how to do all things right with Covid, but is now right up there - at least with cases - with Quebec.  And if you remove the fist half of the pandemic data, Alberta is even higher. 

 

But the biggest surprise is in the chart below.

At the bottom.

Looks like that old Atlantic bubble thing really works,

Jeez, dere, it's a ting a beauty.

Smoke 'Em If Ya Got 'Em...

 ...or something to that effect.....

The Pause That Refreshes

2020 has been a terrible year for everybody.

So when you've been punched in the gut one too many times.  Or had that virus kick sand in your face again, you realize need serious help.

Well, you better introduce yourself to a Bulldog Margarita.

How did Jimmy Buffett never write a song about this?

But it will certainly cure what ails you.  Although it obviously ain't for the faint of heart.

Now you say, that all looks good and stuff, but UC, what's to keep those frosty Corona's from emptying into that glorious glob of goodness?

Well they have ingeniously included two stay fresh devices at the top - or bottom - of the beers.

No fuss, no muss.

However, the faint-of-heart part also applies to the price.  This bulldog ain't on Happy Hour....

But regardless of that, this is all the anti-virus medicine you'll ever need....