Don't Mess With Texas

Hell ya!

Not even a grandma but a great-grandma.

I'm guessing when you go to visit great-granny you ain't eating cucumber sandwiches and sipping lemonade.

"Come here, child. Get your hands in there and help me gut this this thing.  And quit all that squirming around."

They Warned Me

So not only is this craft beer very, very hoppy, it is also 6.2% alcohol.

The barmaid warned me about the hoppy part - but not the 6.2% part.

Luckily I figured it out myself after I had.....well never you mind how many I had.

[It just looks nasty sitting back there, doesn't it.]

A Face Only......

....everybody could love!

Meet "Ester The Wonder Pig".

And Ester has just been pronounced cancer free.  As is evident from her smile.

Some Background

The 300 kilogram Ester was diagnosed with breast cancer on Aug. 9 following a first-of-its-kind CT scan her owners, Steve Jenkins and Derek Walter,  fought for months to bring to Canada.

Esther underwent a successful surgery on Aug. 28 to remove the cancerous lump.

So now she will live happily ever after at the - you guessed it - Happily Ever Ester Farm Sanctuary in Milton, Ontario.

Way to go guys!

The Age Old Question

As I am getting my dinner ready and scouring the fridge for something to cook, I came across what I think is some Gorgonzola cheese.

I seem to remember buying some a long time ago.

It sure looks bad.  And smells bad.

So the age old question is; how do you know if Gorgonzola has actually gone bad?

Without actually having to eat it, of course.

[My friend asked me; why you always looking for short cuts?]

Anyway.....any help would be appreciated.

Is Florence The New Hazel?

Hurricane Florence is expected to be the deadliest storm to hit the Carolina's in 150 years.

The previous deadliest storm was Hurricane Hazel in 1954.

Hurricane Hazel?  The mayor of Mississauga?

No, Toronto's deadliest hurricane ever.

I guess the Globe & Mail headline was a little premature - 81 people died.

[And I'm not sure what "69 lost" means.   They got lost?]

But Hazel first hit the US in the Carolina's, causing massive damage.  Same as is forecast with Florence.

Hope she doesn't take the same path north as Hazel.

Who'da Thunk It?

A CNN poll that shows Trump is unpopular?

Wow, I hope the sun comes up tomorrow!

Actually the questions were not biased, as I was able to get a copy of them;

#1 - How much do you hate that rat faced bastard Trump?

a) A lot
b) More than that
c) Completely
d) He is the re-incarnation of the Devil
e) My hair is on fire!!

Okay, I guess you don't really need to read any more of them.

But stay tuned for the Saturday Night Live poll coming up on "How should Trump die?"

Actually, this just in:

Looks like dame Carole Cook beat SNL to the punch.

I think I know how she answered Question #1......

Tempest In A....Beer Bottle?

The Government Of Ontario has just introduced "Buck-A-Beer".  Brewers can now sell beer for $1.

Okay.....

But if you listen to the pundits in downtown Toronto, you would think the world has stopped spinning on its axis and we will all be flung into oblivion!

It has been called "reckless", "dangerous", ill-advised" among many, many other adjectives.  This will increase drunken driving accidents.  Students and the poor will be adversely affected. What about the children?

Brewers call it foolhardy and a "race the to the bottom".

So what did Doug Ford do?

Did he slash the minimum amount for which a beer can be sold from $5 to $1?

Or from $3 to $1.

Or maybe cut cut the damn price in half!!

He cut it from $1.25 to $1,00.

A quarter.

Okay, everybody can go back to sleep.

And I might just head to the beer store.....

The More Things Change....

....the really faster they change.

I remember my Frosh Week.

Sort of.

Back in the day, this would have been more like the the headline.

Yeah, baby!

That's Using The Old Noodle

When you've really got to "gator done" - as thery say in Florida - why not use all the help you can get.

This gator was seen crossing a canal in Key Largo.  Likely something tasty was waiting on the other side.

Actually he doesn't look a lot different from many of the blue haired ladies floating in our community pool.

Except probably a lot quieter.

From The "Why Didn't I Think Of That" File

So I guess the latest silly social media trend is now the "Tip The Bill" Challenge.

And this should be confused with other social media trends like the "Tide Pod Challenge", when kids (it usually seems to be kids) eat a Tide Pod (luckily I don't know what a Tide Pod is) or the "Hot Water Challenge", where kids pour boiling water over (usually) other kids and the latest, the "Fire Challenge".  Where - you guessed it - kids set themselves on fire.

But enough of that. Back to the "Tip The Bill" Challenge.

This is where you....tip the amount of the bill.  So if your bill is $50, you leave a $50 tip.

My friend Maya, who wrote this article, "wholeheartedly recommends" participating in this and that it is "really thoughtful".

I wonder what Maya's day job is - a server?

I'd like to propose another challenge.  And one that I wholeheartedly recommend and also feel is really thoughtful.

And it is the "#GiveJim$100" Challenge.

Anybody who sees me gives me $100.

So come on, be one of the cool kids!  I'm heading downtown right now.  Hope you see me soon!

"That'll Do, Tractor"

Old Bess, as seen at my buddy's Pig Roast & Beer Bust in south-eastern Ontario this weekend.

I'm guessing Old Bess doesn't owe my buddy anything by now.....

Dang!

Just screwed up my favourite pair of sunglasses.

Dropped them and both lenses popped out.

Glued them back in, but got the left on the right and right on the left. So the lenses dig into your cheeks.

And glue all over the lenses.

There goes $4.

How To Avert Another Crisis

A new report gives recommendations on how the province can prevent an impending mental health crisis.

The top two recommendations;
1) higher pay for psychiatrists
2) more psychiatrists

Who produced this report?

Oh.  The Coalition of Ontario Psychiatrists

And, according to the report, the province must act on this immediately!  I'm sure there's a pot shot or two in there at Doug Ford, but I didn't read the whole report.

But I am thinking of preparing my own report, by the Coalition of Old Retired Guys;

Top recommendations (although there would be many);

1) cheaper beer (hey, Dougie already did that!)

2) more hot babes that like old retired guys (okay, he's no miracle worker)

You scoff.  But my recommendations are no more self serving the psychiatrists ones.

And the province also better act on mine quickly.  Because let's face it, nobody wants an old retired guy crisis, where they all walk about telling the same old stories over and over.

What?  It's too late?

Funny.  That reminds of the time.......

Considering Who They Are Sponsored By, Better Than No Breathe

Wah! I Want That To Be Me!

Hey, We've All Got 'Em.....

The Jig's Up

Gangbangers all over Toronto are doing palm plants on their foreheads.

"Crap!  They're banning guns.  I guess we are going to have to turn ours in, boys. The City of Toronto has outfoxed this time!"

And then they laughed and laughed......



Post Script - two days later.

Rex Murphy, the excellent columnist for the National Post, also commented on the handgun ban requested by the City of Toronto.  [Double click to better read.]

My only question is; does Rex read my blog...?


Here is a link to the full article.  Tough Questions Need Answering

Don't Even Think About It

"You will lose every time."

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

Took the ferry yesterday over to the Toronto Islands.

Had forgotten what an amazing view this gives you of the skyline of the fourth largest city in North America.

The Skydome on the left with the iconic CN Tower beside it.

And a forest of skyscrapers everywhere else.

But it wasn't that long ago that the TD Centre was the tallest building in Toronto.  And in the British Commonwealth.

The what? 

The TD Centre.

Huh?  Doesn't look like much.

Here, I'll zoom in.

Where?

There!

But you're right, doesn't look like much - now.

But in 1967.....

So 50 years later, we have forgotten the profound impact it had on the city of  Toronto.  Transforming it from sleepy little colonial outpost to worldwide banking power.


Many people hated it then.

Most people can't even find it now.

At least without a little red magic marker highlighter.

So little Toronto has certainly come a long way.....

And man and his dog.

And his dock.

And his drink.

Life is good today.


I just noticed my bio picture: same dock, same chair, different year.  And maybe even same shirt, as we shop the same place.